


Letters and Consequences

by Qzeebrella



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-18
Packaged: 2017-11-05 14:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qzeebrella/pseuds/Qzeebrella





	1. Just a Little Note Home

Mama,

I'm glad you, dad and I saw each other before I left with Enterprise. Hoping to prevent the Xindi from destroying Earth and get vengeance for Elizabeth's death. Well a lot has happened since then. I got your letter just a short while ago. The one where you ask if I finally acted on "the love you feel for that nice young man who helped you so much, going with you to where we used to live. I hope you've told him you love him, have you?"

Mama, I know you mean Malcolm, as he's the only one I took with me to see...well to see. I don't know why you think I love him though. You know I've only been with women. You even mentioned in the letter I just got that you read the letter I sent you telling you of meeting Amanda Cole. I told you in there that I had briefly been torn between my feelings for her and the ones I have for T'Pol. So why are you under the impression I love Malcolm?

I can't love him mama. I've only been with women and he's a man. I told you about T'Pol and how much she's helped me and how beautiful she is and she's a woman. T'Pol is the one I should love.

So now that I've got that straight I can tell you a bit about what's happened lately. We had to do a lot of healing from that attack I told you about. We've all been working hard. I haven't seen much of T'Pol as we've been so busy. But I did see her last night. We talked a bit about the neuropressure sessions and then, as always we talked of Malcolm and other things. I told her how hard Malcolm's been working lately, getting the weapons and defenses up and running, and helping me out in engineering. Of how he and I worked together at one junction and I could see how tired he was but how he was seeing things I didn't so I let him stay to help me.

Mama, you should have seen us, working together in harmony. Passing tools back and forth, smiling at each other, him telling me something that made me laugh and relax, and we were working together as if we always had and always should. There's no one else I can be as silly with as I am when I'm with Malcolm. It was a bit warmer where we were than in the rest of the ship, due to the proximity of the nacelle. So we had lowered the top half of our jumpsuits to tie around our waists and were working with only our tank tops covering our chests.

Malcolm has nice lean muscles, you wouldn't think so by looking at him in uniform, but in that tank you can see them nicely. Biceps, triceps, deltoids, his six pack a bit since the tank was clinging to him just so due to the sweat on his body. He's getting a bit scrawny again, I'm gonna have to make sure I join him at mealtimes and see that he eats. I don't know why he doesn't understand he has to take care of himself better, eat properly. I just couldn't bear it if I lost him, so I'll nag him into taking better care of himself again.

He's a stubborn bas...um man though so I'll just have to make sure I keep an eye on him from now on.

Anyway, we were fixing a relay there together. Him looking a bit scrawny, but still nicely muscular in that tank hugging his sweaty chest. His hair all mussed from his hands brushing through it when he got frustrated. His hair a bit more wavy from the perspiration and a bit longer than usual. His face with a slight sheen, and his movements so very precise as he helped me with the repairs.

Have I ever told you how graceful he seems even when just moving a little? That's why I used to stand just behind him all...um...a lot of...some of the time on the bridge. Just watching him at his post, such an economy of movement and yet so very graceful. I wish I had time to do that these days—stand near him on the bridge that is. But I don't, it was really nice to be near him then though, repairing something together.

When we finished we went to the messhall together, to celebrate another successful repair together. He pulled his uniform back up before we went, covering up that tank top of his. Sigh. He walked slightly ahead of me in one part of the corridor where we hadn't gotten around to repairing some fallen beams. Don't worry mama, they only made walking down that piece tricky, not dangerous. Have I ever told you of how he moves when walking? Whether a purposeful stride or as cautious as he was then, well it's poetry in motion mama. The way those legs of his move, gliding like a panther's. Hips moving slightly, ass swaying a bit, it's a wonderful thing to watch.

We got to the messhall, I made sure we both got something to eat and we sat across from each other. We talked for over an hour about everything that was happening on ship and about nothing in particular. Just that bit of food was good for him though. Mama, it made his eyes go from dull to gleaming. The lines on his face evened out a bit and his smile made more of an appearance. There's so much life and light to him when he really smiles. It's almost blinding the way he lights up. It warms me up anytime I see it, melts away any creeping coldness of heart, mind, and soul.

I think you'll love his smile when you see it mama. When we get back to Earth and you finally meet him you'll see the beauty of his smile.

He smiled at me a lot as we ate and talked. We teased each other, laughed together, at times we even touched hands. Sigh.

Those hands of his...I know he has mixed feelings about them. Mostly due to having killed with them by pushing a button, pulling a trigger, and even hand to hand combat. God, how I worry when he goes down to a planet or boards another ship. He knows those hands have saved us time and again though and can do intricate work. So he's both proud of them and yet feels the weight of responsibility from what he has to do to keep us all safe and sound. Those hands of his are beautiful though. Long elegant fingers, deceptively delicate in appearance and so soft.

He's very good with his hands and fingers. The way he handles tools when repairing things, the way he handles his console, and the controls of a shuttlepod. The way he checks over his weapons from canons to photon torpedoes. I watched him check over his rifles once, running one hand along the length of the barrel, fingers almost caressing its hardness. Up and down that barrel, anyway as we were lingering over our meal in the messhall I noticed him drooping a bit. After the hour, almost two we spent together he yawned. Well when seeing that I knew I had to get him into bed. So I walked him home, stayed long enough to make sure he got into bed after his shower and watched over him till he fell asleep. I tucked the covers around him a bit, then ran my fingers through his hair before leaving.

Next day, I made sure to find T'Pol and tell her all about my time with Malcolm and how worried I was he was over working. Now, I talk about Malcolm to her every time I see her and lately she looks less and less happy whenever I do so. I don't know why. It reminds me of the way she looked when I had spent some time with Amanda though.

After talking to her, I made sure to find Malcolm again. I go find him a few times a day now. Making sure he remembers to eat. Making sure he gets enough sleep. And just spending time with him so I can see his smile, so I can see him laughing and relaxed, and see those eyes of his sparkle at me. Or watch how graceful he moves even when just at his post or eating a meal. I still wish I could spend more time with Malcolm, but for now this is as much time as I can spare.

Mama, when I spend time with Malcolm, I find I don't need neuropressure to help me sleep that night. Remembering him relaxed, happy, eyes sparkling at me, well it helps me sleep easy.

I've got to get going soon Mama. Malcolm and I are going to the movie together again. It's one with explosions so he'll love it and I'll enjoy how he lights up watching it. I'm glad I was able to write you today and set you straight on how I couldn't possibly be in love with Malcolm as I'm focussed on T'Pol.

When we get home, we'll have a wedding. I'll meet Malcolm at the alter...and T'Pol of course. It'll be the happiest moment of my life so far, marrying my love. After we're married we'll walk under an honor guard with phase rifles creating an archway. We'll have upside down pineapple cake for the wedding cake. I'll take my love in my arms for our first dance as a married couple. I'll look up and see those eyes sparkling at me and know I found home in my life. We'll stay together as long as we both live, for I'll always want to be close to my love.

I've got to go mama, Malcolm's here. I'm glad I took the time to write you and hope this letter sets you straight on who I really am in love with.

Bye mama, write soon.

Love Trip


	2. Post Script

I didn’t realize that I was in love with Malcolm until it was nearly too late. I sort of just assumed that what I felt for him was just friendship. Which makes me feel a bit foolish now. I mean, looking back it’s kind of obvious that I had a thing for him right from the very beginning. Why else would I spend so much time on the bridge just standing behind Mal as he worked? I mean, really, it wasn’t as if I was getting any work done or doing anything constructive. I was just standing there, watching Mal.

Then there were all the arguments we had, mostly because I just couldn’t resist ruffling Mal’s feathers by teasing him. This was a sure sign that the little boy in me was trying to get him to notice me and yet I didn’t even realize what I was trying to accomplish. I just kept on doing it and kept on enjoying the fact that I got Mal to smile at me and spend time with me when no one else on board could.

Added to that was the fact that I had never had so much fun arguing with someone as I did when arguing with Mal. This should have clued me into what my feelings were for Malcolm for there’s nothing the Tucker’s love as much as arguing and yet I remained clueless. It was as if I had a blind spot when it came to Mal, one that kept me from seeing just how important he was to me.

If that wasn’t enough, there was also the way I always wanted him around me when we were off ship. Like the time I pestered him to go clubbing with me on Risa, not able to stand the idea of him staying on the ship or him going down to the planet alone. Or the time on the rogue planet where we met the Eska when he headed off to our tent and I immediately followed like a hyperactive puppy. Then there was that time on the automated space station where I sort of poked at Malcolm until he agreed to come with me as I tried to find the central computer. I should have figured out that I loved Mal based on those things alone, but I didn’t. I was absolutely clueless, which is kind of embarrassing to admit.

Considering everything I’m kind of surprised Jonny didn’t call me on it and ask me what was going on, but maybe he was so busy being captain that he just didn’t notice me tripping over my own feet when it came to Mal. Anyway, it’s possible that I’d still be clueless about the fact that I love Mal if things had continued on the way they had until then. It’s just a good thing they didn’t and that something happened to help me finally realize I was hopelessly in love with the Englishman.

The thing that finally helped me realize what my true feelings were was my mama calling me from Earth and glaring at me. She proceeded to kick me up the backside for being an idiot and then made me listen as she read a letter to me, one I had written to her just a few weeks ago. In it I tried to insist I was in love with T’Pol, but as she read the letter back to me I realized it was an ode to Mal. I went on and on in it about how I enjoyed spending time with him, on how I was always watching him and that how seeing him happy made me happy. 

It was that more than anything that finally woke me up to just how I felt for Mal and I’m really glad I did, for I almost missed out on something wonderful.


End file.
